


warm whispers

by Icantevenrn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Multi, Neurodiversity, dean x reader x sam, dean x sam x reader - Freeform, idk freeform i guess???, ooc cos first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:30:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icantevenrn/pseuds/Icantevenrn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes you need someone, or even two to tell you that you aren't as bad as you think you are<br/>AN: (dean x reader x sam) and zero incest here, also tried to make this as gender-neutral as i possibly could</p>
            </blockquote>





	warm whispers

**AN: i have officially fallen through the wormhole of supernatural after resisting for so long. and of course, what sort of initiation into a new fandom is complete without writing a fanfic so here ya go. also for clarification, it's polyamory loud and clear without any wincest present. plus i wrote this based off my own experience of having bipolar disorder so yeah.**

tonight was one of those nights, the kind that begged you to stare at the night sky and wish upon a dead star for the pain to stop. most days, it didn't really show. you couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with your past as a theater student. maybe all those hours spent in front of the mirror when you were twenty; trying to get your face to convey a specific emotion properly were useful after all. not even the two people who loved you the most realized that you were dying inside with each passing day. it's times like this when you are reminded of how ugly a monster depression really is, it's probably just as bad; if not even worse than the actual supernatural monsters you hunt. you were foolish enough to think that you would one day be rid of its horrendous grip, only for it to sneak up on you and slowly suffocate the living daylights out of you. what's even worse, is that you constantly felt like you were living in a one-sided mirror; where you could see everyone but no one could see you or how much you're hurting.

personally, you felt these kinds of nights were the worst. but that didn't mean that others were great either. some nights, you woke up drenched in sweat from the nightmares you had been plagued with since young. other times, your neurotransmitters were firing dopamine at rapid speeds causing you to behave like a toddler high on sugar;those nights were almost as bad as these. during your short period of euphoria; sleep and a fresh change of clothes could go to hell for all you cared, you could live off of just your pure genius and you practically thought you owned the world at this point. you are getting your shit together and shit done plus, you've already found enough information to solve like three cases. however, all good things come with a price; and yours just so happened to be a crash from a high so great you were sure god lived there. new ideas may be generated at the speed of light but your thoughts, your life, every atom in your body was racing like a high-speed car chase and you desperately needed it to stop. you could barely hear yourself think anymore. there was also this excruciating itch on your skin that you couldn't pinpoint for the love of all things holy. every little goddamn thing pissed you off and you're just exploding at even the slightest of disturbances. you hated whenever you got like this, especially towards the ones you hold dear to as you almost always ended up hurting them somehow. by now, you knew something was wrong with you because you're not in control anymore. you're afraid of what you're becoming, you're losing it and you don't know who you are in the middle of this storm. the wind is howling all around you and it's too loud for you to hear anything, not even your pleas to make it all stop.

this was your reality, one you never quite liked waking up to. it's not all gloom and doom though, that's for sure. you've learned throughout your journey of being a hunter; that if you want to carry on in this never-ending war, you have to fall in love with the little things in life. and it can range from something as simple as the feeling of a gentle breeze caressing your face on a warm summers' day; to the smiles you find on the faces of your loved ones. as long as you look forward to living when you think about it, then you're fine. and at this present moment, your little (maybe not so little) thing you fell in love with; was this albeit small but loving family you had with the winchesters. they took you in and gave you a home when all you knew was abandonment. they kissed your eyelids shut whenever you had nightmares to help quieten the demons that waged bloody battles in your head. they picked you up when the rest of world pushed you down and shoved dust in your face. they had such big hearts and kind souls, most of the time you felt like you didn't deserve the love of these two amazing individuals. the thought of your little trio always brought a little warmth inside if you were ever worried that winter came too early this year. the laughter you shared together, all the wonderful memories that have been made over the course of your relationship; even the arguments between the three of you were something you treasured very much. honestly, you couldn't imagine what your life would be like without the two of them in your life. dean was the embodiment of the sun from the teletubbbies, a total pain in the ass but an absolute sweetheart once you got past his walls. and then there was sam, whose policy was 'hug first, questions later' no matter the situation you were in. they both brought so much into your life, more than you could have ever imagined or asked for.

''(y/n), what are you doing out here?'', called out a familiar voice from your bedroom window; breaking your train of thought.

''not much really. just drinking some hot chocolate as i contemplate the inevitable oblivion of mankind,''was your reply to dean's question.

''well then, mind if me and sammy join you in your deep thought?''

''you're always welcome to join me, mr winchester,'' you responded with a small smile.

with that, dean shouted into the house for sam to grab two beers as he climbed out of your shared bedroom window and onto the roof where you were sitting. he decided to take his place on your left, right next to where you had set your mug down. shortly after, sam came up too; with two bottles of beer in his hands and handed one to his older brother before sitting on your right.

''so, what's up with our sunshine? i heard something about oblivion and oblivion is never a good thing as far as i know,''sam asked after taking a swig from his bottle.

''it's just that- well, i'm not really sure how to explain it. easiest way to say it, is that i'm stuck in a place where nothing's wrong but nothing's right either; and i get this feeling where i want to crawl out of my skin and run. i'm tired but also not. it's almost like i'm physically well-rested but something deep within my bones continues to stir. and for some deranged reason it hurts. it hurts like a motherfucking bitch and i just want it to stop because i can't live like this anymore. it's been going for some time now, i just didn't want the both of you to worry about me. i thought i could handle it on my own, but it's slowly wearing me down and now i think i'm drowning.''

you hadn't realized but as the words rolled off your tongue, raindrops began to fall from the vast expanse of your irises and formed wet streaks on your cheeks that lead downwards to the earth. you found that the more you went on about what was really going on above your neck, the larger the lump in your throat seem to grow in size until it eventually came out as a sob. the muscle that formed the core of your self was beating loudly in your ears and practically every fibre of your being screamed out in agony. you felt a twinge of shame when you realized that dean and sam were still there, and they could see every single piece of you fall out of its place. they definitely don't need to see me like this, you said to yourself and hugged your knees closer to your chest whilst burying your head in your knees to avoid their gazes. you were so weak, so unlovable, pathetic. how in the name of mother nature did the two ever manage to love someone as despicable as you?

before your demeaning thoughts were able to wreak any more havoc on your psyche, dean placed his finger on your chin and gently tilted it upwards so that you were looking right into his grey blue eyes as he placed two soft feather-like kisses on your forehead. using his thumb, sam wiped the saltwater that came pouring from your eyes before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours tenderly .then, both he and dean pulled you into one of the tightest hugs you've ever been given in your entire life. only in their arms, did you feel safe and at peace with the storm inside at last. you silently wished upon all the dying stars out there for this moment to last forever, and for a while it almost did. that is, until you had an idea and whispered in dean's ear that you would like to lie down and count the constellations with them. he nodded and another one of those wordless conversations was occurring between him and sam. the pair set you down and then proceeded to lie on the hard surface of the roof too, with either one of them on your side; enveloping you in their affection and warmth. sam was the big spoon this time as he had his arm wrapped around your waist,using his height to his advantage where he could run his fingers through your hair to soothe and calm you whilst you held on to dean's arm. on the other hand, he was beginning to pepper tender kisses along the side of neck; trailing down towards your shoulder. your hand was in his, allowing your fingers' to interlace; filling the spaces in between them as he also whispered compliments and sweet nothings into your ears. the three of you laid there under the canvas of the night sky, a tangled mess of limbs but perfectly content with the way things were.

''(y/n), you know that you never have to run from us. we will always protect you and love you no matter what happens. and it breaks our heart to know that you're hurting so much. it's okay to break (y/n), it's okay to fall down, it's okay to feel. that's the beauty of being human. you're kind and lovely and wonderful and if you didn't exist, the world would have missed out on some serious sunshine,''sam finally said after some time.

''thanks guys, you're the best.''

''anything for our (y/n),''dean returned with a shy smile gracing his face and a peck on your cheek.

 

 


End file.
